Grandfathers, uncles, cousins, and male friends of fathers and fathers-to-be, this is addressed to all y’all. Let’s spend some time talking through some of the hows concerning getting the men back into church and bringing their children into the House of God. I discussed data concerning the importance of fathers to the long-term church life of their children in an earlier article. Take a look back at that one, if you’ve forgotten.
This may seem surprising, but men and women interact differently. In this particular case, the way that men encourage one another is to engage in useful tasks which can look and sound a little coarse to the eyes and ears of women who observe it. Watch men’s interaction in the driver’s lounge, on the sales floor, in the hardware store, or any other place where work is discussed in preparation to do more. You’ll see and hear men goading, mocking, and badgering one another about their performance in their various vocations of life. There’s nothing mean, cruel, or ill-intentioned about it. Offense is not given. Neither is it allowed to be taken.
The masculine behavioral rules are like the unwritten rules of adjective order in English. We are usually unaware that adjectives must follow the order: opinion, size, age, color, origin, material, and purpose (OSACOMP). A staggeringly large new blue Italian steel processional cross sounds perfectly reasonable. But, a processional large Italian new staggering steel blue cross sounds like it’s been described by a schizophrenic.
We don’t even know there’s a rule, so too with men’s interactions. We don’t know about the rules concerning the well-intentioned pressures applied between men to perform better until something is wrong. When a brother takes offense at an inoffensive comment, something is wrong. When a man appeals to his brothers in an emotional way, it rings strangely (brothers by relation not necessarily by kinship). We don’t notice until something is wrong.
There’s wisdom in knowing the value of good-natured ribbing. It encourages our brothers to do their various vocations in life with greater vigor.
The original sin of the man in the garden predicts the source of man’s sin in the future. Laziness, shirking of duty, this is our innate weakness in life. So much of our failure flows from that single source.
“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, ‘Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?’ … So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.” [Gen 3:1, 6]
Adam’s job in the garden was clear. He was to tend the garden and instruct his helpmate, Eve. Adam shirked his duties. The serpent had no business in the garden. The words of the serpent opposed the very Word of God and Adam said nothing. His laziness facilitated the fall and his curse reflects it.
“And to Adam he said, ‘Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.’” [Gen 3:17-19]
The curse tells us a little bit about what work in the garden was like. There was no pain. Thorns and thistles didn’t grow where they shouldn’t be. Eating from the fruit of the plants didn’t require the work to make it happen. And there was no sweat or pain afflicting him in the work he did. Now we struggle and suffer in the work we do. Getting those kids up, fed, dressed, in the car, attentive in the Divine service, and learning the hymns and liturgy is a chore … just like everything else good and profitable in life.
When your sons and other subordinate men aren’t bringing their families to church, try this. Treat them the same way you would if they failed to show-up for a tree trimming, as promised. Lob some sarcastic, friendly correction at them, be persistent about it, and grant no quarter for this important failure of duty. They need your encouragement.
Men, we help each other in this regard everywhere else in life. Let’s be intentional about the encouragement of our brothers in the faith too. Faith comes by hearing. I don’t want these men and their families to fall away from the faith for lack of hearing the Word of God. So, encourage them, rib them, goad them a little, in a kind way, about their duties as Christian fathers.
Strong Christian men raise faithful Christian children.
Rev. Jason M. Kaspar
Mt. Calvary Lutheran Church & Preschool
La Grange, TX
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