“I Just Thought You Should Know”

Those words are a good indicator that was or is about to be said shouldn’t be said, heard, shared, or thought about. The 8^th Commandment is among the top ten commandments of the Lord.  It applies to all Christians and unbelievers at all times.  Yes, the 8^th commandment is just as forceful as the prohibitions against murder (5^th Commandment) or adultery (6^th Commandment).  Sadly, we Christians often grant ourselves a pass in the use of our words, thinking they can do no harm.

“I Just Thought You Should Know.”  “Someone needs to hear this.”  “So-and-so didn’t say I could share this, but…”  “People are saying…”  “I can’t say who said this, but…”  The list of creative pardons from and side steps around the 8^th never cease to grow.  We’ll explain ourselves out from under the accusation of God’s Law as quick as a hopped-up 2JZ (ask your grandkids).  These “little sins” are lower in our minds, more deserving of exception.  It’s not murder after all, right?

St. Paul gives us some great framing about the severity of individual sins in his epistle to the Galatian Christians.  “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,  idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19-21)  He includes sexual immorality, idolatry, jealousy, envy, and drunkenness into a single list with other sins.  He’s teaching that persistence in these seemingly big or little sins will separate us from the Kingdom of God, just the same.

In his Small Catechism, Martin Luther explains the commandments in an expansive way like our Lord did.  Jesus taught the disciples concerning the 5^th and 6^th Commandments, expanding the limits to include anger and lust under murder and adultery (Matthew 5:21-30).

The first application for us is our own tongues.  We should not say or spread anything that could harm our neighbor.  A simple way to think about it might be: am I authorized by the original source/subject of the information to speak? No or maybe not?  Then, don’t speak of, hint at, or allude to the thing you know.

In the second case, our ears are the problem.  We should not listen to anything that may not be suitably spread.  Again simply, are Abigail or Thom authorized by the original source/subject of the information to speak? No or maybe not?  Then, don’t listen, step away, and speak in defense of your neighbor.

Third, We can’t let our minds gossip within us either.  What does that even mean?  Speculating on the thoughts, motivations, or unheard words of my neighbor is just like gossiping to myself.  I’m not allowed to malign my neighbor that way either, even just in my own mind.

The fourth error against the 8^th commandment falls in my desire to use a town crier in a positive way.  We might think to ourselves, “I don’t want to speak about this.  So, I’ll tell Bjørn.  He’s unable to keep his mouth shut.  And, I won’t have to say it myself.”  Encouraging Bjørn in his sin is still an evil thing for me to do.  It can’t be made righteous.

In the Fifth case, there can be no anonymous complaints among Christians.  Both Matthew 18 & the 8th Commandment forbid anonymity.  We don’t get to skip past confronting those who have maligned us, or hand it off to someone else.

“Can’t I ever rat out my neighbor in Christian way?”  No, but there is a Christian way to confront sin.  Are you directly confronting the one sinning against you?  Yes?  Then within the framing of Matthew 18, we find the right way to confront sin against us.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” (Matthew 18:15-17)

When the sin is against you, then you should confront your neighbor and escalate in this way.  The point here is not to expose our neighbor.  The point is to turn then from their sin.  As soon as they repent, forgiveness must follow.  The discussion is also over.  We don’t get to confess out neighbor’s sins. There is no room for, “Quentin apologized, but you need to know what he did to me…” Curbing our wicked tongues is prob’ly among the most difficult of Christian disciplines.  It is one we need to undertake to better serve and love our neighbor.

Things We Say

The first application for us is our own tongues.  We should not say or spread anything that could harm our neighbor.  The commandment isn’t limited to speaking truth.  Also, we are to put the best construction on everything, to protect and defend our neighbor’s good name.

Am I authorized by the original source/subject of the information to speak?  To that let’s add: will sharing this information help my neighbor and improve their reputation?  Usually, the answer is no.  We are often aware of this.

“I’d like to tell you something.  …  Please don’t share this with anyone right now.  …  I appreciate your prayers.”  That sort of framing around some personal information shared in common conversation reveals the sinful weakness within the house of Christianity.  If we were any good at the eighth commandment, it would never need to be said this way.  Furthermore, if we defaulted to silence rather than over-sharing, there would be no need.

Instead, we frame our sharing and request for brotherly Christian prayer with a restriction.  “Don’t share this,” still, it gets out.  Did you hear that concealment just now?  Like a headline identifying an SUV as the cause of an accident or a handgun as the cause of a shooting, the culprit is excused.  The SUV didn’t plow into a crowd.  It was driven by a human acting maliciously or negligently.  The gun didn’t go off on its own.  A person acting negligently or maliciously pulled the trigger, firing the weapon.  The same is true of the leak of a piece of private confidence.

“It gets out” means someone acting alone or with co-conspirators violated confidence.  Worse, we violated God’s 8^th commandment.  It got out because I said it.  It got out because you said it.  It got out because trust and God’s Law weren’t on our hearts and lips. There is nothing that needs to be shared or said without clear permission to do so.  The only information emergencies involve crimes and the police.  Anything else is just evil gossip.

Things We Hear

In the second case, our ears are the problem.  We should never hear anything that could harm our neighbor’s reputation.  The commandment isn’t limited to hearing only the truth.  We are also bound not to hear anything lacking the best construction, or leave uncharitable speaking uncontested.  This requires of us a conscious response to the gossiper or concerning the gossip.  A passive response isn’t adequate.

Consider these questions: Are Ainsley or Thom authorized by the original source/subject of the information to speak?  Were Thom or Ainsley given a letter, but not permission to share it?  Most often the case is, no.  Then, don’t listen, step away, and speak in defense of your neighbor.

We aren’t granted to just wait it out.  I may resolutely change the subject, and stop it from coming back up.  You may condemn the gossip or contradict the poor inference.  You should say, “this is gossip.”  Or, “they could easily be driven by [a positive motive].”  We could also physically leave the conversation.  “Sorry, I can’t listen to this gossip.”

These are not options for us in fleeing from sin: Hear Ainsley out, because someone needs to know what she’s saying.  Listen to what Thom says, so it can be reported back to the victim.  Listen to them, but try not to pay attention.  Avoid conflict by not reacting poorly to my neighbor’s obvious sin.

Why is it that we grant the sinful gossip latitude that we would never grant to someone else in another sin?  Why do we compound their sinful tongues with our sinful ears and the encouragement they bring?  We’re afraid of being unliked.  We want to be thought of well, to the detriment of our neighbor’s good name.

We would never stand by while someone murders, harms, or expresses genuine hatred toward someone else, would we?  We would never watch our friend steal a car, would we?  We shouldn’t help a husband or wife create a lie to facilitate an adulterous tryst, should we?  In the same way, we can’t allow gossip to enter our ears.  We can’t allow it to hang in the air either.

What Will People Say?

Third, We can’t let our minds gossip within us either.  What does that even mean?  Speculating on the thoughts, motivations, or unheard words of my neighbor is just like gossiping to myself.  I’m not allowed to malign my neighbor that way either, even just in my own mind.

When we speculate about our neighbors’ inward thoughts, we give in to the worst construction.  Rather than interpreting everything in the kindest way, you choose to assume the worst reaction and respond to an unspoken, unknown deed.  When I impugn my neighbors’ thoughts, I harm his good name in my mind.  The commandment requires that we protect the name and reputation of our neighbor, even from ourselves.

This inward talking, concern over what people might say or think, is also a kind of idolatry.  Usually, this kind of crass idolatry doesn’t even have an external god.  It looks inward to the self.  The imaginary opinion of our neighbor drives us in a desire to obtain or maintain respect or adoration.  It’s a reflexive worship of self.

The fourth error against the 8^th commandment falls in my desire to use a town crier in a positive way.  We might think to ourselves, “I don’t want to speak about this.  So, I’ll tell Bjørn.  He’s unable to keep his mouth shut.  And, I won’t have to say it myself.”  Encouraging Bjørn in his sin is still an evil thing for me to do.  It can’t be made righteous.

We speak at great length about how we cannot bless our neighbor’s sin into righteousness.  Liberal sects calling themselves Christian publicly reject the Bible’s clear teachings on divorce, adultery, homosexuality, God’s gift of gender/sex, and the like.  These attempts to bless sin reject God’s Word.  The same thing applies to my neighbor’s 8th commandment sin.  I can’t use his weakness to this sin against him, separating him from the Lord.  This is hatred of my neighbor.

In the Fifth case, there can be no anonymous complaints among Christians.  Both Matthew 18 & the 8^th Commandment forbid anonymity.  The sinner cannot be confronted by anyone, but the one who was maligned; just the two of you.  Then, bring one or two others with you to confront your neighbor.

We don’t get to skip step one by dropping an anonymous letter in the office.  We don’t get to skip step one and gossip to someone else, who will offer our anonymous complaint.  Anonymity ignores Matthew 18 entirely.  These sorts of discussions ought to die in the air.  The letters are only fit for the rubbish heap or the fire.

How are we to speak?  Can we say nothing?  Let’s hear Luther’s Small Catechism again.  “We should fear and love God so that we … defend [our neighbor], speak well of him, and explain everything in the kindest way.”  Your neighbor’s good name is yours to defend.  And, your good name is theirs.

Our Lord died to purchase forgiveness for our evil, gossiping tongues.  Rise each day in that forgiveness and sin no more. Jesus was crucified for our evil ears, and the things they hear.  Remember your baptism, you’re not a slave to your former sins.

Let our tongues only be used to praise God and uplift our neighbor.

Rev. Jason M. Kaspar
Sole Pastor
Mt. Calvary Lutheran Church & Preschool
La Grange, TX

©2024 Jason Kaspar. All rights reserved. Permission granted to copy, share and display freely for non-commercial purposes. Direct all other rights and permissions inquiries to cosmithb@gmail.com